We met in 2013 at a mutual acquaintance’s going-away party. Deepti met that friend only 6 months earlier, and Alex hadn’t seen that friend for 10 years and was randomly invited! Alex showed up in bright red tight pants, a big smile, and more confidence than he knew what to do with 🙂 Deepti was intrigued to say the least! That meeting led to a Facebook connection (as kids used to do in 2013), then a first date on the back of Alex’s motorcycle (up Cypress Mountain in Vancouver)… and then 6 months later we were engaged! For Alex it was love at first sight… and for Deepti he was her ultimate fairy-tale prince charming. We got married in 2014, and to this day whenever we attend a wedding, we look back on ours with fondness, gratitude, and even more love and understanding than we thought possible.
(Deepti)
I was born in Hyderabad, India, and moved to Canada at the age of 3. I grew up in Edmonton, Alberta, with my two wonderful parents and younger sister. I was blessed to grow up with an incredible community around me, which was my first taste of what a loving ‘village’ can do for a person. It inspired me to always foster close relationships with my friends, loved ones, and my ‘chosen family’. People would describe me as a sweet, sociable nerd, and I loved school, music, and my friends. I sang vocal music with my sister for many years, as well as played piano. One of my best memories from those years was being selected for a summer internship at NASA, which was a once-in-a-lifetime awesome experience. I did my undergraduate degree in Edmonton, and then moved to Toronto from 2004-2012 to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor! I met an amazing circle of friends there, immersed myself in the fun and culture of the big city, and really opened up into the person I believe I was meant to be. I then moved to Vancouver from 2012-2015 for my respirology fellowship, and while there met Alex, his family, more new friends, and loved exploring nature. In 2015 I was offered my first staff physician job back in Mississauga, Ontario, and Alex and I lived there until 2021. We built an amazing community there, explored so much of beautiful Ontario (such as Tobermory, Algonquin, Haliburton / Muskoka, and Killarney), and it was there that we started to pursue our hope and dream of starting a family. In 2019 we added our first (furry) family member, our beloved ray of sunshine, our cockapoo puppy Jasper (his name is an homage to the Alberta rockies)! We then moved back to British Columbia in 2021 to be closer to Alex and Deepti’s families, including our parents, siblings, and little nieces and nephews.
(Alex)
I was born in Sarajevo (former Yugoslavia), and moved to Canada at the age of 11. When my family was escaping the war in Yugoslavia, we remember receiving care packages from Canada, and that created a special connection to Canada that eventually led to us immigrating there! I grew up in Kelowna, British Columbia with my two loving parents and older sister. People would describe me as singularly focused on my cars, robots, tech toys, and anything I could get my hands on and take apart! As soon as I was old enough to have a drivers license, I bought my own car, modified it, and took joy rides on the beautiful Okanagan roads. I did my undergraduate degree in mechanical engineering at UBC in Vancouver, and was so blessed to experience the amazing west coast lifestyle as a young person. I cherished close friendships, went on regular surfing trips to Tofino (with my surfboard strapped to my convertible), rode canyon roads on my motorcycle, and made the most of the nature around me. I was inspired to do a Master’s degree in biomedical engineering, and during that time met Deepti! Some of our most special early memories were cruising around in our convertible and stargazing in the Okanagan. After only 1 year of marriage we embarked on our new adventure in Mississauga. It was a whole new world for me, I met some amazing people, grew professionally, learned kitesurfing on the Great Lakes, and built a great life with Deepti. Despite all the good things, I felt drawn to return to BC to support my aging (and sometimes ailing) parents. The war we experienced in the 90s created a nuclear family bond that made it too painful for us to be so far apart. As such, Deepti and I both agreed to move back to BC to spend more quality time with our families. It was one of the best decisions we could have made.
Our Story:
Shortly after getting married in 2014, a family friend asked us what we were most looking forward to in the coming years: … without hesitation we answered “becoming parents!”. (Deepti) For me, there was never a question! I had always loved babies growing up, and always knew I wanted to be a mother. (Alex) I very early on told Deepti I wanted 3 kids! And, one the main reasons we moved to Mississauga was for job security so that we could start a family without delay. We started trying to conceive in 2016.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. We went through 6 failed IUIs, and 5 rounds of IVF / egg retrievals. After much struggle, only 2 of them yielded euploid embryos. We thought then that our hurdles were over, and that it would be smooth sailing thereafter. Deepti then went through 2 subsequent failed frozen embryo transfers (FET), much to our sadness and disappointment. We did not get any clear answers. Deepti was told she may have poor egg quality, endometrial issues, and autoimmune implantation failure.
Immediately after our two FETs, we remember sitting in the car together, reading a children’s book called “On The Night You Were Born”. We were shedding tears of joy in the car, just after our embryo had been transferred, hoping and praying to see two pink lines after 14 days. That happy moment never came. We could never have imagined a loss so great… the loss of a dream so dear to our hearts that it felt so real… but never materialized. We still have photos of our embryos, stored away somewhere. How can you love something so much that you’ve never held in your arms?
After these many hard years, we decided to take a break from the fertility journey in early 2022. We wanted give ourselves time and space to heal. (Deepti) My body had been through so much, as well as my mind and heart. I had developed health problems over the many years of fertility treatments, low energy, poor sleep, and I was really just a shadow of my former self. I owed it to myself to take care of myself, and I’m so glad I started the road towards that. All I knew is that I could not reach my dream of being a mom unless I mothered myself when I needed it the most. (Alex) I had seen Deepti pursue our fertility journey with more relentless focus, drive, and energy than I ever thought possible. With every month, and every round of treatment, it felt like I was watching her in endless boxing matches, getting knocked-out every time, getting up again, only to be knocked to the ground again. She picked herself up every single time. Until she couldn’t. And that’s when I knew that I needed to support her and us on a different road.
We used this time to travel, to spend time with friends and family, recover lost health, and to actually enjoy life (what a concept!). By the end of 2022, we felt grateful that we had some so far after going through so much. We were ready to think about our next steps.
We have embraced the option of using a surrogate to help us start our family. One of our close friends had her first child using the help of a surrogate, and we had the privilege of hearing her detailed story and experience. It makes us tear up with joy every time! We are blown away by the love another woman could show a couple longing for a child, and we would be so blessed and grateful to find an amazing surrogate to help us welcome our baby.
(Deepti)
I work as a respiratory physician, and really love my job. I love looking after my patients, and am constantly learning. I am an avid reader / bookworm, and read at least 6 books a year! I love flowers (I don’t have much of a green thumb, but love going to botanical gardens!), astronomy, hiking, and camping. I play the ukulele, love singing karaoke, and really enjoy going to the symphony / concerts / and theatre. I love good food, both cooking it, and dining out. I love my little puppy Jasper more than anything! Teaching and training him bonded us together and made me feel like his mom in ways I could not have imagined! I cherish spending time with our families, and especially our nieces and nephews in Calgary and Vancouver. The more I see them, the more I want to be with them!
(Alex)
I work as a mechanical engineer, and as Lady Gaga says, “I was born this way”! If I didn’t need the money I would do this for free! I am an athlete and slight adrenaline junkie at heart – I am addicted to kitesurfing (and jumping!), love to ride my motorcycle, work on my Jeep, and like Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor, to add “more power” to everything I can 🙂 I love camping and hiking with Deepti, Jasper and our friends. I could never have imagined singing to Jasper, giving him baths, and dancing with the little guy when he first arrived in our family… but he has transformed me into the loving and caring dog-father that I am today. I am so grateful to be back in BC and able to see my parents weekly. Deepti and I have a lot of fun with our siblings, nieces and nephews, and we can’t wait to share this beautiful family with our child one day.
Our Heart’s Intention and Wish:
We are keen to learn as much as possible about our surrogate, so that we can best support her during this process. We will of course cover all her costs/expenses as it relates to this journey, as well as provide needed emotional support. When we find our surrogate, we imagine it might feel like meeting a long-lost friend, sister, or family member. We would welcome her into our family in whatever way she chooses moving forward.
We would love to build a close relationship with our surrogate, based on mutual respect, kindness, and flexibility. Before the pregnancy, we would looking forward to getting to know each other via phone chats, texts, video chats, and meeting in person. During the pregnancy we would be excited to support our surrogate as often as needed, and to enjoy / live the experience of pregnancy through her. We want to bond with our baby as often as possible while he/she is in the womb. This could be through video chats and playing our voices/audio to the baby, and through meeting in person as many times as works for both parties. We would love to be present for all the major milestones of the pregnancy and doctors visits. At birth, we would support our surrogate 100% through the process, and would be excited and thrilled to finally receive the gift of our baby in our arms! We imagine what that first family photo will look like 🙂 After the birth and bringing the baby home, we look forward to sharing new family moments. As we raise our child, we hope to continue this beautiful friendship and relationship with our surrogate.