I am a police officer who has had a wonderful, extraordinary life. I was born and raised in Toronto by my mom. She had me when she was a teenager and raised me on her own. I have two sisters who are much younger than me. One lives in Barrie and one in London, England. We are all very close. My one sister got married this summer and my other sister is getting married next summer. We all spend lots of time together and it would be wonderful if we all had children at the same time. (P.S. I did meet my dad a couple of years ago. He lives in Muskoka and we spend time together now. Everything heals in time and I’m grateful to have him in my life now.)

In the spring of 2021, I took an amazing job in Ireland. I will be home three times this year and my sister and I jump back and forth between London and Dublin. I don’t know how long I’ll stay for, but my quality of life here is amazing. Life happens at a slower pace and people are more friendly and connected. In the spring I will have a house near the sea in a village outside of Dublin. My life feels like a fairy tale, save and except for my ongoing inability to have kids.

My mom and I were close because she had me so young and she was on her own. We are still close. Things were hard when I was young because my mom had little money and time, but she was very open about everything. We used to dream about our futures together and we both worked hard to make it happen. I am grateful now that things were so hard, because it pushed me to become who I am and (most importantly) I feel happy and blessed that we’ve all come so far together.

When she had my sisters, I was 17 and then 21 years old. I spent tons of time with them growing up. I believe that life often gives you what you want but not in the way you want it. I always take these situations as great blessings. So after wanting siblings all my life, I finally got two of them! I really enjoyed it. I went on school trips, took them on fun excursions and I was around all the time. They think of me as a bonus parent and we are all still very close.

I have tried for more than 15 years to have a child. I’ve lost track of the number of IUI and IVF treatments I’ve had. I eventually had surgery to prevent what’s called a ‘hydra’ but that didn’t work either. I used my own eggs and then embryos made of my own eggs. None of them took. I then had embryos made of both donor eggs and sperm because this gave me better odds. I had 9 and now I have 2 left. I’ve been storing them for the last two years because I’m nervous about only having 2.

I also went through the adoption process in Canada. I did both domestic and international but because my odds were so small domestically, I completed everything for international adoption. I am approved for that now but the waiting list is 2-3 years. When I moved to Ireland they thought I could transfer the file here, as you can do so in the UK. I’ve learned it is unlikely I’ll be able to do that and I’ll have to begin a 3-4 year process again. (That said, you can take comfort knowing I’ve been pre-screened by doctors, social workers, bankers etc.)

I’m a police officer, although these days I’m in a senior management job. I love what I do and I’ve done everything from undercover deployments to major investigations – I have lots of great stories to share. I also did 7 years of investigating child abuse and sexual assault cases. It’s been hard to meet so many people who treat their children terribly and then not to be able to have my own. That said, I think things happen for a reason and I feel very fortunate to have lived such a wonderful life. These experiences will make me even more appreciative of this experience. I know how fragile and difficult life can sometimes be.

I am looking forward to having a beautiful, shared experience. Of course I will cover all of the costs and expenses, but its the emotional journey that’s the most important part of this – especially for you. I want to be a friend and sister together. (At work we call each other sisters-in-law because we are our own family who can only understand what we’ve seen and been through. I imagine this would be similar. This experience should create a unique and strong bond.) I would visit and I hope you would consider coming to visit me as well, to see what an amazing life this child will have. I want to talk, WhatsApp and to share photos so we can remember this time forever. I would also like to just say and do things that make you feel appreciated and loved. I think it’s so important in all our relationships to do these things; little things count. This is an incredible journey for you and your family, as well as for me and the child. I want it to be a wonderful part of all of our hearts forever.

I would love to have contact both during and after pregnancy. I will be very open with my child about how she or he came to be – including the wonderful woman who made that possible. The story we are told about who we are shapes our lives. It needs to be open and truthful. I think this is a beautiful story and I want my child to know everyone who made it possible. It’s a part of them knowing how loved and wanted they are.