Each and every one of our stories are all different. Not one is the same except for one thing. Our intentions. Our intentions for doing what we do is all the same. And, that is to give the lucky person or couple what they have only ever dreamt of. And that is to give them a chance of finally having a child of their own. Helping fulfill someone else's hopes and dreams by lending them our bodies. Why would we do this? Because we see ourselves as blessed. Purely blessed with the ability to easily have children of our own that we truly hurt for others that can't. And we surrogate mothers want to give those hopeful people out there a chance to have that same fullness we feel in our hearts from our own children.
I have had 9 beautiful, healthy children of my own in 8 pregnancies (had twins in the mix), you would of thought I would of been done. I was done. I was done having my own but I was not done with being pregnant. I love love love being pregnant. I love the feeling of life growing inside of my body. It truly has just become a normal part of my life. So, to me if I love being pregnant and I can do it so well, why not share my gift with someone else that only ever dreams of having 1/9th of what I have. It’s the least I can do for them.
So, literally weeks after giving birth to our 9th child, I contacted a woman named Sally from Surrogacy in Canada Online. I filled out an submitted an application online, spoke to her briefly on the phone and later on that night my profile was sent to all the anxiously waiting couples. Now since I had just given birth there is the mandatory wait period of 6 months before you can have an embryo transfer so I was definitely not in a rush to just pick anybody. I know that may sound a little harsh but with me doing something like this it had to feel "right". As having a lot of kids myself I was also looking at this may potentially be my last pregnancy so I wanted to make sure we truly had a connection with a couple. It is completely overwhelming to say the least receiving so many emails from hopeful couples. As every one of them has their own unique story. And your heart truly hurts for all of them. But in the end you can only choose one. Us surrogates often say "we wish we had multiple uteruses" so we could help more than one person at a time. But we can't. We wait for that one couple that gives us that "right" feeling.
When that feeling happened for me I knew right away. The first few seconds on a skype call with this particular couple, I truly fell in love. Head over heels in love. Not, head over heels in love like I love my husband, but head over heels in love with the fact when I see them, I instantly saw their future. I was talking to them but in my mind all I could see is them being loving parents. I saw everything I could help them have.
They were a lovely couple that lived out of province and travelled frequently. I didn’t mind this as, I was used to being pregnant and doing things on my own anyway for the most part. And with today’s technology anyway we can use Facebook, skype, facetime etc...to help a person feel like they are there with you along the way. And they were there as much as they could be. And I shared as much details I could about everything because this was their pregnancy. Good, bad or indifferent I shared with them. Through the medical screenings, all the mass amounts of medications I had to orally/inject daily through to the embryo transfer and finally pregnancy and delivery my family and theirs was creating quite the strong bond of support to each other from a distance. All of us as a whole were celebrating every single milestone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in this case it was correct. Without all of us this would never of happened.
Being pregnant with someone else's baby is really no different than being pregnant with one of your own. You still have that same love and protectiveness as you do your own unborn child. Those feelings are not any different. The only thing that is different is at the same time your mentally preparing yourself for the moment. That moment when your love and protectiveness is not needed anymore and is replaced with the love and protectiveness of its parents, and you can never truly know how profound it can be until the moment it happens. That moment came for me was when I was giving that final push. That final push from my body, when that sweet baby landed not in my arms but in the arms of its anxiously waiting, loving parents. I got to see the tears of joy and happiness stream down there face and instantly saw the love in their face for their precious newborn son. All of what they had hoped and ever dreamed about was right there in their loving arms to forever hold. As I laid there on the bed I saw their entire future in one single moment. I had never witnessed anything more beautiful or breath taking in my life. It truly felt like I was witnessing a miracle at that moment. And I was the one that helped them have it. This moment I carry in my heart every day.
Even now two years later, even though I was mentally preparing myself back then for that "moment" I couldn’t of predicted how it could completely change me as a person. Today I stand taller and prouder, as to me my surrogacy journey has been one of my most greatest accomplishments. I hug my children a little tighter, I love on them a little more, celebrate their milestones even bigger as I know firsthand on what it looks like for someone to only dream of having what I have. This moment has made my family even more loving and strong.
If anyone of you that is reading this has ever contemplated being a surrogate, go for it! Be vulnerable, be selfless, because there will be that "moment" that will change you. There will be that "moment" that you will carry in your heart for always. And it’s definitely that "moment" you will never regret. Watching two people instantly fall in love with what they always thought would be just a dream, is something that has forever changed me.
Can you share one special occasion or moment during your journey that left a lasting impression?
Meeting the intended couples parents. when I met them I witnessed how much love that their child would have in his life.
How is your relationship with your surrogate mother/egg donor, intended parent(s) or recipient couple?
What advice can you offer to others considering surrogacy and/or egg donation or embarking on their first journey?
My advice would be to make sure that you have a strong support system every step of the way and after as at the time you won’t realize how much you need it.